What all Healing Courses Taught me

September 24, 2017

awakeninglove

I am good at just hiding away and shutting out. Learning this takes time. Becoming your own kind of island is the potential wealth and you must not give it up for the usage of new technologies or trends.

Before I began my so called “spiritual journey” or I must say before I started seeking the wholeness of life, I did not know how to shut down and just be with self. I tried vipassana courses and other meditation camps but I saw myself wasting them after a while.  I couldn’t hear the voice of my soul and hence could not respond with any spontaneity. I was stuck in the shallows of my emotions soon after the meditation courses would end.

I was meditating almost every day but I did not know why I was doing it.

Was it my spiritual emergency or because I was being suggested or inspired or advised?

I had no reason. I used to just do it. Sometimes mechanically and sometimes again; mechanically.

Now, when I look back, I see my self utter confused, altered by the mixture of this world’s realities and consumed by the elusive patterns of life. Only one thing was sure to me, that this world and me are not meant for each other. I just wanted a hide-out within. So I meditated almost insanely.

It is easy to assume that the essence of meditation is just meditation itself, but that is wrong. The essence is you and me.

Meditation does not exist when “You” do it. But the funny part is “You” have to start from “doing” and then it consumes “you” and “doing” both eventually.

It is very important that you start screaming to self: “Who am I?”

It sounds cliche but it is as important as you breathe.

Who are you? Who is the one who meditates? It changes the entire game altogether.

It’s about how who we are, we the bundle of memories altered by the life, habits we employ every day, what we hope to learn, our relationship with nature, those we love, the time we spend, the energy that is consumed, and how much freedom we relinquish to this life.

According to Heidegger, relate to the truth, not to technology. Meditation is indeed a technique at initial stages. When you apply a technique, you become a resource; a resource that channels pure essence of universe, undisturbed by human thoughts.

But imagine using a resource or tool full of blockages and dirt within; what would be the flow inside it like?

Remember the question that Humpty Dumpty asks to Alice: “Which is to be master – that’s all.” You, or someone you don’t know?

You may practice meditation, yoga, hypnosis or just common sense. These are all technologies and you are a resource.

But too much access to external world is going to contaminate this resource- sooner or later. I can not remember when was the last time I watched television  or spoke over a mobile phone. I do provide online sessions and thats the only time I speak to someone on skype or other application. All my team is connected to me through texts only most of the times. Yes, I know we, human beings are social beings and accessible through technology but at least you can decide that how much you want to be consumed and swallowed.

Looking at a television screen or keeping a radiation spitting mobile phone on ears both are seemingly utter voilence to me. I do not pick calls, instead I prefer texts as it is not touching my ears and skull. It is to be noted that I am sharing my personal experience. It is my experience and not any kind of suggestion to you. We are the lords of our own mess or heaven.

Yet it’s important to be able to turn off your phone, sit down, not say anything, not do anything.

It is important to just close your eyes, breathe deeply a couple of times and attempt to just purely be.

I ask myself often how silent I can be today. This silence not only should be a verbal silence but on thought level as well.

I quit watching television when I was 19 and I first stepped out of home and then country for study.

It was not deliberate.

I remember, when I first learnt Past Life Regression “professionally” in Melbourne, I was 20 and I asked myself, “There is so much to release. Do I need to put more in my mind. No.”

I wanted to know what all I have been carrying for those infinite lifetimes, what was  “I” without those genetic and past lives’ memories.

I wanted to find myself without the baggage. I did all the possible healing, cleansing and therapeutic courses, you name it. My many glassy selves crushed and swept away. I admit that I am audaciously insane when it comes to practice something. I practiced everything with utmost determination, sincerity and devotion.

I was willing to be a child again and be the Lilliputian in the world of Gulliver, the bat girl in Yankee Stadium. That’s a more fruitful way to be.

I left no option for myself, for example what is my “divine plan” or “career path” or “life purpose”. All these terms sounded too meaningless to a girl who even did not know who she is. Nothing else could interest thereafter, but to just explore what all was buried in this subconscious mind.

I wanted to pour it all on my table and review like a dexterous scientist.

I learnt many therapies and create few myself. I create it for myself as I walk up the stairs, prepare food or merely focus on my breath and whenever a slight disturbance comes up on the mental screen, I know what tool has to be used to pick, pull and empty the mind.

I saw hunger for meaning going far far away, hunger for so called divine signs dissolving in my bliss and hunger for seeking empowerment from others vanishing within.

I saw most of the spiritual courses were mere superficial decisions of mine and just made me a little introspective for a while.

But I had already promised myself not to look for meaning and just keep on sailing.

Nothing was meaningless, though.

I was teaching ahead, with no great expectations of transformations or to follow any divine path. I was teaching as a cobbler mends the shoes; because he is not capable of doing anything else.

I saw people changing. I was never sure about my own change. I looked within and saw the same confused self with little idea about life and then I looked at them.

I saw they begin to question whether their lives are meaningful. At the same time, they sense that meaningfulness comes from the margins of their human experiences—that it flowers during times of great joy, pain, frustration, or even hardship.

Yet, I followed the promise: Do not look for meaning.

It is just is.

I was there to work with people’s mind- which is something beyond words, beyond language, beyond pretense of illusion and a center connected with the rhythm of the whole universe.

 

I had to throw myself into the current to see that I would probably sink in.

My work is so feeble and just an iota of this vast and deep cosmic process.

Everyday I saw a myth and a legend, a lie, a truth, a fairy tale, a magical world, and one that collapses every day and makes me feel exhausted.

I understand now that all these spiritual healing courses are just to exhaust you, empty you at a very personal level.

This life is just a brief note written by our higher selves; to remind us to empty the bin and come back home dancing.

 

Romshri Ashesh

Founder

Awakening Love Academy

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